Thursday, September 10, 2015

End of Pregnancy Blues...

A lot of people talk about pregnancy and motherhood, but I also think a lot of people don't talk about the hard parts. You want to show people your best side, that you're doing well and you don't want them to worry for you or about you. Sure it's easy enough to admit when you're physically not feeling great - morning sickness, back pain, it's part and parcel for most women's pregnancies and we don't have to feel out of the ordinary saying anything about it. But what if you're emotionally not feeling great? We have a hard time talking about our emotions without over thinking what people will say, or think about how we feel. But that's got to stop - because it shouldn't be something we're afraid to get off our chests and talk about.

So I'm here to talk about my end of pregnancy blues. You might think I mean "oh, sad face, my pregnancy is ending and I don't want it to" but that's not it.

About a week ago my little guy dropped into position. As you may or may not know, this usually signals the last 2-4 weeks of pregnancy in first time moms. Since my due date could be the 21st or the 28th (and most first time babies come at 41 weeks!) we're not entirely sure when he will come. And that's OK... he'll come when he's ready, but something else came along with him dropping. Feelings.

I've had an easy pregnancy by anyone's standards. Enviable even. No morning sickness, generally still energetic, without mood swings, only a few restless or sleepless nights, etc etc. And I haven't taken that for granted. But now I wake up and I don't want to do anything. I'm tired, both emotionally and physically. I don't feel like myself. I can't muster the enthusiasm for my businesses that I've always had. I feel like the days fly by and I get nothing done. I just don't want to do anything, and everything I do takes so long. I don't want to go out, I don't want to lay around, I don't want to do any of the things I told myself I'd do when I finally had time, I don't want to cook or clean or take care of things around the house. And it's weighing on me.

When the baby dropped it was like a weight suddenly fell into place. His head is firmly in my pelvis, his back to my font (a good position for starting labor!) but wow is it uncomfortable. Where before my whole body could support him and the growing weight, now it's all resting on my pelvis and straining my lower back. I can't sit for long periods of time. Laying down really isn't that comfortable. Standing isn't comfortable. Nothing is comfortable. I found this image today and realized why.

Yep. When they say your organs get squished, they mean it. Except drag that baby's head down about another half inch and there we go - that's where I am. How do our bodies do it? I don't even know.

But with the physical discomfort and exhaustion, emotional exhaustion begins to set in too. It's upsetting being at partial strength. Especially when you have always been an active and engaged person, it's like now there's this barrier between you and enjoying daily life. And there's nothing for it but to wait it out and try not to let it get to you. It's like this weird stage of stasis where you don't want to start anything new, but you still have to pass the time.

And that's hard. And it's OK to be blue.

1 comment:

  1. It's great that you know and understand that your depression is normal and acceptable. It may not make your situation easier, but it will lessen the complications around daily responsibilities to know that you deserve some slack for being in near constant discomfort. You're blazing the trail for young friends who want kids (me!), and I'm in awe of your badassery.

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