Thursday, November 19, 2015

Mama + Baby: Two Months of Telling It Like It Is

So we've made it to 2 months, and the journey has not been easy, but I'm glad we're here. The house is a dirty mess. I haven't swept in weeks. The kitchen stove looks like a messy day in a diner kitchen, but we're pretty happy and nearing a semblance of schedule that is heartening. I'm waiting for my first giggles, to be reached for when I come near, and more interactive play.

I found myself speculating at one point that I couldn't imagine my little man looking any different. It's almost like I could picture him before he was born, and this is the picture I saw. Of course I think I'm just projecting, but he feels like he belongs and always has. That makes the rough times easier to deal with, I think.

And boy are there some rough times. Days when my orders for my Etsy shops are piling up, and my to do list is huge, and I want to be independent and do it all, and he wants none of it. Will he sit idly by in his bouncy seat while I work? No siree... He wants feeding, and a diaper change for good measure, and some interaction, or to be held, or simply just to fuss and cry. And those are the days that are hardest for me, because I have to put aside what I want to be doing and my desire to be productive, and just give it up to be a nurturer.

And other days are magical, and we work in harmony and he is content to just be nearby, and he naps like a champ, and I get a lot done and it feels just like I imagined it would having a little one around.

I guess the gist of it is - it's all a mixed bag. Every day is a mystery, and learning to surrender to it is a tough thing for any independent, active person to do.

Luckily at this point we've gotten pretty good at breast feeding. I'm irrationally terrified of mastitis so that spices things up a bit... is my boob turning red? what was that pain? am I sleeping too far over on my side? It's a bit annoying to be so paranoid, but I am not sure I'd make it through a bout of mastitis and still come out breast feeding on the other side. So I try to be extra cautious and attentive.

I wanted to make this post a little more detailed and less philosophical, but it's late, and I'm tired, and my hot tea is running out, and there's nothing else I can think to say right now. I'm excited to see what the next month brings as we celebrate our first holidays together. I've already done a little Christmas shopping for our little fox... I'm just hoping I don't go too overboard, since I'm primarily indulging myself.

I'll leave you with this sneeze outtake from our 2 month photo session. Good night.

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